My nursing career has poised many challenging dilemmas over the years, however predominantly the last two. There are many stories to tell. Some are wonderful, some horrific, but all are about life, and involve team effort, which makes all the difference. Comradeship is of utmost importance to get “through the worst shift” as life and death is what we deal with every day in ICU.

Life is very fragile and sometimes feels as if it hangs by a piece of string - as if it hangs by a thread. My own mortality is confronted .The young, the middle aged and the old don’t escape. The painful consequences of freak accidents, planned ones, unhealthy lifestyles, life saving surgeries including organ donations, and sometimes just a series of unfortunate events - for whatever reason - that no one can fathom. When to withdraw treatment and keep them comfortable is another everyday challenge.

The past 8 months have been a particular challenge in every way possible, but I try to rely on God every day. I have many questions I don’t know the answers to, but I’m only human which God and I both know;- “If God is all powerful then why did he offer His only son Jesus as the only way to save mankind?”

A personal thought is, maybe I take it all for granted instead of considering how hard a choice it was. I know God doesn’t cause bad things to happen, but why doesn’t He intervene, and stop all innocent children from suffering? God says that he won’t allow more suffering than we can carry, but sometimes it’s a close call as it’s on the cusp of whether it makes us stronger or not. It is hard to deal with, especially for those whose children are suffering, and not just ours but ALL children and parents. Even though humans brought sin into the world, children are completely innocent.

As humans of course, we can hypothesize “till the cows come home” but I will only know the answers when I meet my Saviour. However, as I go on these things, I do know and am learning:-

• That I believe in God and Jesus Christ. Colossians Ch2 v 9- 10, Colossians Ch1 v15.
• That He is in all, and through all. Revelation 1 v 8 and Proverbs 3 v 19-20, Ephesians Ch 3 v 20
• That there is life after death, in a beautiful place with no pain or suffering. 2 Corinthians Ch 5 v 1 and Revelation Ch 21 v 4
• That His guide for life is the best you can get for this life and the next. Proverbs Ch 1
• That of course I don’t understand everything because I am human, and He is not! For instance, the Holy Trinity, the Great Plan! In fact, the more I learn, the more I realise I don’t know how great the plan is! Ecclesiastes Ch 5v 2 1 Corinthians Ch 1 v 27
• That He has blessed me with the here and now, so I’ve got to decide how I'm going to live my life TODAY, the only day I have, and value the people around me by showing respect, love and integrity to ALL mankind as Jesus has me. Colossians Ch 3 v 17, 1 John Ch 3 and all of James and Titus and Timothy and Colossians Ch 3 and Philippians 2 v27 and Corinthians and all throughout the gospels.
• That we need to keep focusing on the cross and keeping our eyes on Him, the author and creator of life itself. Philippians Ch 3 v14, Hebrews Ch 12 v1-2
• Prayer is the pathway to peace James Ch 5 v13
• That it is important to be able to forgive everyone EVERYTHING and that there isn’t enough time to spend hating ANYONE. 1 Peter Ch 3 v8-17 ,Titus Ch 3 v3- 10,Matthew Ch 6 v14- 15.
• To look for the good things everyday as they are there when we need and look for them in people and the wonders of Gods creation!2 Corinthians Ch2 v3, Matt Ch 6 v 26 and verse29 and verse 34.
• That nothing can separate us from Gods love for us! Rom 8 v 31-39
• That compassion, tolerance, and kindness is a sign of strength, not of weakness, as Jesus showed all of these.