I don’t like conflict. In fact, I prefer to avoid it whenever possible. Yet we all know that sometimes conflict can’t and shouldn’t be avoided. Certain conflicts can be healthy and bring about better outcomes. Some call this “creative conflict”.

Here’s a scenario for potential conflict. Imagine two people in love. They’ve been going out together and want to continue the relationship. But then one gets a fabulous job offer interstate. They feel torn. One wants the dream job, but can’t bear the thought of leaving the other. The other waits anxiously for a decision – will the dream job trump the relationship?

Situations like that tend to erupt into bitter conflict if we see our options as “either / or”. It’s either the dream job or the relationship; it’s either my way or your way; it’s either we stay together or we don’t. But if we drop this “either / or” thinking, it’s possible to consider other alternatives. Maybe both can go interstate and pursue jobs. Maybe the dream job can be temporary? Maybe there’s another dream job locally – if they do some searching? Instead of “either / or” thinking, why not strive for “and” thinking – keeping both goals paramount, pursuing the relationship and a dream job?

Ephesians 4:15 is an example of this “and” thinking. Christians are to be “speaking the truth in love” or, literally, “truthing in love”. Truth and love go together. We shouldn’t sacrifice truth for love or vice-versa. We shouldn’t water down the Gospel to avoid conflict with our friends, neighbours – or other churches and religions, for that matter. Neither should we forget to demonstrate love even as we speak, act and live out the truths of the Gospel. Truth and love should be inseparable. We can disagree (because we’re committed to truth) but we shouldn’t be disagreeable (because we’re committed to loving others).

The Bible is full on this kind of “and” thinking which puts two apparently contradictory elements together. Truth and love. Grace and works. Unity and diversity.  Life and death (or through death). Being in the world and not of the world. Exercising our free will and submitting to God’s will for us. Experiencing eternal life now and not-yet. In all this, the tension is palpable, the potential for conflict real. Our challenge is to uphold both elements – minimising neither – and search for a creative outcome which honours God through potential conflict.